Before this time [1829], I had been much opposed to the doctrines of election, particularly redemption and final persevering grace. So much so, that a few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, [England], I called election a devilish doctrine. I did not believe that I had brought
myself to the Lord, for that was too manifestly false, but yet I held that I might have
resisted finally. And, further, I knew
nothing about the choice of God's people, and did not believe that the child of God, when
once made so, was safe forever. In my fleshly
mind I had repeatedly said, "If once I could prove that I’m a child of God
forever, I might go back into the world for a year or two, and then return to the Lord,
and at last be saved.” But now I was brought to examine these precious truths by the Word of God. Being made willing to have no glory of my own in the conversion of sinners, but to consider myself merely as an instrument; and being made willing to receive what the Scriptures said, I went to the Word, reading the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular reference to these truths. To my great astonishment, I found that the passages that speak decidedly for election and persevering grace, were about four times as many as those that speak apparently against these truths. And even those few, shortly after, when I had examined and understood them, served to confirm me in the above doctrines [of election]. As to the effect that my belief in these doctrines had on me, I'm constrained to state, for God's glory, that though I'm still exceedingly weak, and by no means so dead to the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, as I might and as I ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have walked more closely with Him since that time. My life has not been so variable, and I may say that I live much more for God than before. And for this I have been strengthened by the Lord, in a great measure, through the instrumentality of these truths. For in the time of temptation, I have been repeatedly led to say, "Should I thus sin? I should only bring misery into my soul for a time, and dishonor God. For, being a child of God forever, I should have to be brought back again, though it might be in the way of severe chastisement.” Thus, I say, the electing love of God in Christ (when I have been able to realize it) has often been the means of producing holiness, instead of leading me into sin. It is only the notional apprehension of such truths, the want of having them in the heart, while they are [still only] in the head, that is dangerous.
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